Monday, December 22, 2008

lol. hello world. Havent been blogging much as u can see. Just too lazy i guess. haha. Random old me hasn't changed much. Anyways as i was bored i did a silly thingy and this was teh result.

Lets101 Quizzes - Fun Quiz

some things are true and some are a little far from the me i know. lol.

Oh wells, peace out. =)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Gal~, here i am back at my blog. Hey World! =)

ok that was just random. Instead of saying the usual " oh boy" i did " gal". Oh wells. lol.

Today was quite ok. Attended the last lesson of the term & winston came in just on time to see the "thank you" note! again lol.. Everything's just happening so fast. In a Blink of an eye a year is going to pass again. Wittnessed ppl breaking up, others hooking up & the passing on of ppl.. Overall i feel this yr was a sad one. Though there were some things to appreciate. =) Hope Next year will be even better! lol. damn, if this goes on i might just end up being an old man without noticing!

Thinking of "saving" up for a holiday. Yea, Pretty much impossible considering my output of my money. hm.. 65% on bills and 20% on transport + food. 15% left to spare which usually goes to groceries most of the time and if it doesnt, it's for entertainment purposes.. ~.~ So much for getting new clothes. Been saying that for half a year now! MOAR~! =(

Haven't went for a decent shopping spree in ages. years. A decade maybe lol.

Man~~~~ i need a holiday! well ok technically not a holiday, holiday. A holiday which u go on a holiday? get what i mean? like on a trip or something? haha. Just need to get away in this strange and confusing time. Anyone interested? =)

Well i'm getting myself mentally prepared for the months to come. I'm going to give it my all for these few months so i can atleast give myself a pat on the back when it's all done.

It's true when they say, "You never realize it till it's gone." If you're a little lucky, you'd realize just when you're about to lose it.

Christmas is coming and i'm guessing it's gonna be a lonely one again this year. Thinking of doing something special this year. Buying a mini christmas tree and hold a small party for myself. XD When ur alone, u'd have to think of ways to get through it all. =)

Well's i'm gonna enjoy whatever i can with the remaining time i have left. Things will be so different after graduation. No matter how much i want to hold onto something, it just slips out of my hand.

Cause i'm the man of the house, i gotta get a better job to support the family. It's a tiring thing, but someone has got to do it. I don't think i'll be able to study after my Ns. So this might be the last time i'd get to experience a class room enviroment and all the things that come with it.

God if ur really up there pls let me enjoy myself just this one more time. If i can't hold on to it, atleast i can hold on to the memories of it. =)

I guess in advance i'll just list my christmas wish. Incase i might nt be able to do later.

- * **** *** *** *** **** * **** ** ** ***** *** ****.

Gd nites world, tml's hand up of FYP and i'm still stuck with one scene. Planning to rush in the morning so here i am off to slp. Wish me the very best of luck u can. =)

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Today~ Guess it was a real unpleasent day today. Too many things going wrong.

The day was fine at first but it was kinda spoilt after a certain sms... i dont really want to go more into it so let's just leave it as that.

After school, went to AMK Hub with Sm Moar xiang. Ate at MOS Burger and killed some time there. Everything was fine till i got on the bus home. I slept in the bus and overslept!! ~.~ A first time. And ended up a few stops aways from tanah Merah MRT. So much for sch?? was almost going back there lol.

got off the bus after realizing and walked quite a bit till i could find a bus stop on the opposite side. haha. it was 7 plus. And i was dead tired..

Well all was fine after getting home i guess. i'm just gonna sleep it off and nt think about the rest that happened. I feel really terrible now. =(

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

its 2.30 am in the morning and i'm having problem sleeping. I think i slept too much in the afternoon.

Today, i gained another best friend. haha. Which is good. =) Gave her some advice on some things which i hope really helps. XD just knowing ur happy makes me happy too. =)

well with some of that off my mind, i should be able to sleep.. but still i think i cant. =(

Release is all i need, and so i tell myself. "Right now listening to the song we shared, i'm going listen to it and sing it one last time and when the song ends, so will whatever that is left. "

My voice can't reach u now let alone me singing, but i pray for release. I want to move on. Because that's all i can do now.

No matter how, always end up as a substitute and it's just wearing me down. I just want to be me. Rememebered as me & not cause i remind u of someone.. To be seen as me.

Man this is just.................. =/

gd' nite Finally! 1 project done! 1 down! 2 left to go! hopefully i dun have to do the extra pjt so i can just concentrate on FYP! =(

Slept really late last nite. Around 4.30 am ++ nt so sure of exact timing. Rushed my DreamWeaver pjt. Really paid off. Today i was feeling much more stress free in class. But really tired.

Well to cut it short (cause i'm gonna fall flat on my keyboard any time soon..), came home from a tiring day & went straight to bed. Yea you all might be thinking stinky.. but when ur really tired, u just dun really care do u? haha..

Woke up and rushed online after seeing relan's sms. Guess i really messed up. Even song ling told me he was looking for me. Dude, sry again. just damn tired.. u may have said its nt a gd reason, but do forgive me. it's the truth and all i have to say. Hope u had fun. haha..

and here i am blogging after our game. i'm so tired.. shall k.o now.

Ciao world.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

MOAR! (sm's language.) lol.

Today was was whack! Btw, Hey world! =)

i'm here blogging to kill time before taking a bath. Waiting for the heater to warm up. Been long since i used it! ooh! sauna here i come~ if i only i could take a dip in a real hot springs. nvm! i'll go to japan next time and by god i would jump butt naked into one! it's definitely on my to do list! XD

Went to work early in the morning. woke up at around 7am i slept like around 2 am. 5 hrs slp should be enough for a normal day at work.. but sadly today the time was passing quite moderately but the sales was bad. Not to mention my sales were bad due to long draggy customers.. some of them bought something in the end and the others just upped and left w/o saying thanks.. Guess that's a typical singaporean for you.. =(

Had one customer today who approached me and asked for a suitable shoe due to his heel problems. I explained to him very nicely and in clear detail too when i reccomended our cushioning range of shoes. He said he undertood and nodded his head saying" oh ok! i understand! i see.." and the next thing ya knw? he asks me about another shoe.ok i explained the difference between cushioning shoes and stability shoes. And he said the same thing.

The whole proccess lasted for abt nearly an hr? he asked me practically about every shoe on the shelf! which was like 10 pairs? aft touching on the differences, he asked me about the same shoe again. Ok to cut it short, he asked me the same thing 5 times for every shoe. even aft telling him i didnt have sizes for some he asked me again..

and finally i almost burst! was about to shout "god help me!" till i was rudely interrupted by 2 other customers. lol. i served them first as the guy was still making his decision. just to cut it short, i managed to sell a pair of shoes to one of the other customers and the other walked away.

Was about to go back to the guy when issac, my brudder/incharge helped me to serve him and he gt the same thing as me.. but thankfully he handled the situation well and i went in the store room to vent my stress out followed by a trip to the bathroom. XD

After awhile i managed to cool down and back to serving ppl. well mostly behind the counter cashiering lol. Nothing much happened after that except closing time.

ok this made me feel damn Pai seh! it was time for closing and we put up the poles and i was pulling down the shutters. When i was closing the second shutter ( we have 5 in total) a kid sitting at the ambulance machine ( those 1 dollar kid rides in shoppinh centres) saw me closing the shutter suddenly came up to me and Started CRYING! ~.~ He said " i want my mummy and daddy! T.T" my heart melted aft hearing that i felt bad for awhile and stopped pulling down that particular shutter. and his mother was at the cashier. She told him to come over and he ran in the shop crying. I snapped out of that "cutscene" and then thought of something very randomly. Did i look like a bad man who was locking up his parents? ~.~ LOL! after what happened next i was thinking, DAMN! i think i do look like a badd guy parentnapping their parents! LOL!

Thinking all was fine, i skipped the 2nd shutter. As i was closing the 4th, another kid standing outside started crying and shouted "mummyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! T.T" and this time everyone was staring at me. Then my colleague, mingshi said "what happened? u made the kids cry!" something like that.. haha.. and i was so pai seh.. everyone outside the shop and inside were looking at me.. even the ppl at cold wear just opposite our shop were too.. i was feeling bad again when next thing i knew, his grandma went up to him and hugged him and said "there! ur mummy is there!" and i sneaked a peak and she was pointing at the shop next to coldwear, the sports shop. That made me think " CHEY!" lol!

after those happenings, we finally closed shop. Had to do the vaccuming cause i lost to mingshi in scissors paper stone. ahh!!! 3 to 1 score. DANG!! XD

After that walked down to jurong east with Tony & Issac. Parted with tony near the bus stop and Mrt'd with Issac till his stop at Chua Chu Kang. After that was a long 40 mins plus jooureny to bishan and i slept all the way. After that met dad and he drove me all the way to our home sweet home! XD and here i am nw! blogging.

Guess that's all for today! it's a colouful entry today huh? haha. Cause its too long, sure to be boring if it was all in the same colour and no pics to show.. =x Kz i'm off to bath and then sleep! so much for my MMT Pjt.. =( totally flat out.

Gd nites world! XD

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Hey world, Gonna blog real early today because i might be spending the rest of the time sleeping in. Really~~~~~~~~~~~ tired! haha.

Okay, so today started off pretty fun. Arranged to meet yu xiang and yvonne in the morning and we were joined with song ling and kai wei. Yu xiang ah~ say 7+ ah. haha. 9 bah. =) in the end come 9.30+ haha!

We said group study.. but in the end even staring at the book, the info just didnt register in any of our heads bah. in the end just chilled till it was time to go for class. And when we reached class, we decided to cheat! haha.. Sry Mr. Gan, but ur teaching really isnt efficient for us.. for the 10%! cheat cheat cheat~!

haha, just wanna thank yu xiang, song ling and yvonne for today. And yvonne, sry again! wasted ur sms ~.~ and thx! haha. Thx for reading the last ans out to us song ling! would have been blank w/o ur help. =x

on the way home, 12'd to tanah merah with kiat, chin and yu xiang. and from there we parted and yu xiang and me 45'd back home. after dropping off at my stop, i stopped by the park and stood in the rain. Felt damn good! been so long since i "played" in the rain, sometimes its great re-living ur childhood. =) i feel much more calmer now. i may nt knw when i might break down again, but i hope i wont ever again.

kz.. i'm gonna hit the sack nw. i think i only had 14 hrs slp in total for this entire week.. lol. stressful week~ But somehow it wasnt that boring. =)

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Just like the other times... i've broken down again. Silently crying. God i'm so tired of fighting.. =( i'm financially, emotionally, physically drained. i broke down on this nite. Again.

No matter how much i want to understand, to be reasonable, to be strong. i just cant.

There are times when ppl like us just breakdown and let everything out. Because we usually keep things to ourselves. Trying to solve everything with our own ways. The pain keeps adding on till we can't hold it in much longer..

From living in a 3 storey bungalow with an attic and a basement to moving houses here and there from rented terraces to HDBs. The big mansion like house with the outdoor pool, tree house, gym, study room, library, guest rooms and many bedrooms with the big front gate that always gave a warm sense of home.. It was all taken away because of a failed business venture. The people who were the closest to my parents.. sucking up all the money+fraud and leaving the company with losses. All because of them, my life took a huge fall. sending our family plunging nose first into the ground from the highest point.. we became Bankrupts.

I still can't forget that fateful day when i got home from sch and took a nap. Only to be awakened by the sounds of ppl from the bank coming into the house.. sticking red stickers all over the property and furniture. "property of the government" seals. just like that u'd see on the 1 dollar coin. it still bugs me at times when i stare at a dollar coin.. =/

The people who claimed to be gd frens, shunned my family after we lost the house. Pretending not to know us. Treating us like beggars and gossiping about us behind our backs. Even the kids i used to hang around with at church. they gave me that " oh my mommy told me nt to talk to you.. you're dad's a bankrupt!" even the first gal i liked, sarah said the same thing.. and her mom was the one spreading all the rumours.. it felt like hell. that was teh first time my heart broke. When we were well to do, rich, her mom would always act frenly and allow her to spend as much time as she could with me.. but aft all that happened.. Soon everyone else including her.. avoided us like the plague.. no matter where we moved to, somehow the rumours spread and ppl were gossiping. making me realise how small people could be. Only gossiping about others but not themselves and giving that rude faces whenever they saw us. Suprisingly even a pri sch teacher of mine made fun of me everyday at sch because he heard about my family's problem. instead of keeping it to himself, he made it a point to torture me everyday by making me the center of attention. making everyone laugh at me. it lasted for a yr and it was hell. there was this one time when i was heading to the sch bus aft sch and it was a rainy day.. i slipped and fell on the hill. i kept rolling till i ended up under another sch bus.. the other students could only look and laugh at me in my plight and not one person came to help me out from under the bus. alot of familliar faces were in the crowd, but they all just walked past laughing.. the bus was starting and i panicked. i didnt want to die undder a bus.. so i kept struggling till i managed to get out from under the bus. that day i went home with cuts all over. nobody asked me what happened and i just kept it to myself.

when i gt to secondary sch, i thought things had changed. i could start a new, But the first 2 yrs were rough. Was getting bullied in class. everyday i'd get beaten by the tough guys in class. and i just kept to myself, and saying "it doesnt hurt at all " whenever i was beaten. But that got me even more. At first there were bruising, but after awhile my body gt used to it and i didnt bruise anymore. and i carried on with like that till one day i finally snapped and punched a guy in the chest when he was beating me. he had internal bleeding and he was bleeding from the nose. had to bring him down to the office str away. Not sure because of that, that all the beating stopped or because they gt tired of it. After awhile it became more peaceful in the classroom and everyone was cool with everyone. there wasnt much fighting whatsoever.

I wont lie. I really hated my parents for a long period of time for putting us in this mess.. But i learnt hw to think and understand and i forgave them. But after forgiving them, i still had this empty feeling inside of me. i lost so much of me. my happiness, my smile, my character. Nothing could ever make me happy. and soon i was given the nicks " iron man, cold hearted prince". showing no emotion, being sarcastic and mean.

I always wanted to feel love. Just looking at couples would just make me go, "Aww.. hw great it would be if i could have someone to spend my life with living blissfully". In my life so far, there have been 4 gals who made my heart feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.. with my cheeks blushing.. 1 of which i got together with. But we didnt last past 3 months. We didnt get to meet at all after we gt together.. and in the end it ended even though i looked pass the fact that i was being cheated on and tried to save the relationship.. i have no experience in chasing aft gals.. i only managed to get together with her after knwing she was interested in me.. guess i'm useless.. tt's why it nvr lasted. but funny way things work.. we're chatting on msn these days and it's been great.. atleast better than hating each other..

the other 3 i let slip past me.. i just couldnt tell them hw i felt about them even though i wanted so much to. one, we lost contact after graduation, the second one, got together with a fren for a long time. and the third, i was always too shy around her. when i wanted to tell her hw i felt by bringing her to the place i had spent a few days searching for.. giving her a boquet of paper flowers i made asking to be my gal, i wasnt able to meet her. i picked a bad day, as she had made plans to go out with her bffs on valentines day. Yes, silly me. after that day i backed down.. i just couldnt find my courage anywhere. i couldnt tell her hw i felt.. i plucked up so much courage just to do it on that day.. but it just crumbled. And soon nt long after that, she gt attached.
But yet again.. funny thing is hw things work out. She's seems real happy with her bf now and i'm truly happy for her. because somehow i knw he can provide for her even more than i can.

recently, the second gal broke up with my fren and i was sort of happy for her because he was treating her unfairly most of the time when they were together. we started chatting a little more often and going out together and i really enjoyed myself... even though there were times she was complaining over teh phone but i found it to be cute. i would listen to her and try to help her out as much as i could. But i guess it was onesided. it always is, i got the wrong impression and i confessed to her only to be turned down. Perhaps i was a little late. but she gt togetther with another fren who's also been there for her and i think they're really happy now. i wont say i'm nt sad. because that'd be a lie. perhaps its just me. i give up easily. i knw u may find it hard to believe but i really am happy just knowing she's happy. i'm really nt decieving myself.

i find myself to be a weak person. nt being able to fight for wat i want. but i guess its because i dun think i can ever provide for them. i'm afraid. i'm scared. after all tat's happened in my life i've become a coward. and all i can do is wish for the ones i like/love to be happy and just be happy to knw that they are. i'm trying so hard to shake this off. but it just isnt working so far. i want to be a little stronger. to be able to have some confidence and to be able to be fianancialy stable.

i'm not that spoilt kid anymore. but a emo kid. i keep falling down. the hurt keeps me down. after getting over smth, i find myself falling again.

i guess when it comes to the gals i like, i fall too deeply too fast. it's bad. =/

God.. i cant live this way anymore. I knw this might not sound like a guy rite nw, but i really want to get hugged and being told that "everythings alrite" because i'm feeling very miserable now..

or should i just go on a holiday?

i'm Lost.. =( sch today was fine. suddenly gt enthu to finish up the work in cs today. sudden burst of emotions i guess. haha. aft class, we hanged at cafe 1 for an hr or so waiting for the heavy rain to die down.. but in the end it didnt.. it just gt a little lighter. Left sch around 6.30 or so. bus'd 31 to Tanah with kiat, chin, xiang and myself. said gdbyes to kiat and chin and moar xiang and me waited for 45 and we 45'd back.

got back home and played around with com. reading Manga and doing my MMT pjt, listening to song, etc. and well MSN! haha. was a little lively today, tt's gd. =)

alrite, i'm hoping this emo feeling would faster go away so i can get some slp. i'm a panda rite nw! ~.~

learnt about a few things today. Might lose my home. she might really sell it. guess i can't pull if off much longer.. =( i'm tired of worrying so much about what's gonna happen next. But if i dont, who's gonna prepare us when the time comes when we're on the street. I'm no longer the prince. I'm just a fallen prince. A normal human. Pretty much a begger soon. There are so many times when i feel so tempted to quit sch and work full time to support our family. it's just too much to handle. I cant concentrate on studying. My situation is abnormal.
I've been looking for love as long as i could rmb, perhaps because of the way i was brought up and the enviroment.. i really didnt feel any love. I cant explain why my heart longs so much for love. But i can only say one thing,which i knw for sure.. i love one at a time.. =/

Monday, December 01, 2008

hey world! it's 2 plus in the morning nw and i cant really get to sleep.. bad tummy ache.. guess i really had too much for din today. =/ havent been updating much due to me coming home from work and plomping on the bed with a total Knockout. K.O! ofcus after a bath. =)

finally updated my frenster photos and added the pics from my b'dae celebration at NB IMM and Okayyyyyy. i'm nt photogenic cause i dun really camwhore often. i admit. lol.

gosh, without realizing it, another year has passed and my b'dae just flew past too. Time really flies i guess. aft that, christmas comes. haha. makes me wonder, will it be another lonely christmas again? if i'm nt working on christmas day, i might buy a small tree and decorate it. Specially for this year. Hopefully it wont be just me, myself and the tree.. lol.

Sch's whack! feeling tense and stressed about the pjts that have to be done. I guess most ppl call it gd stress or healthy stress? lol.

sch starts in like 7 and 1/2 hrs time and i have to rush 5 pages from none currently. thinking of layouts and what to add in for later. hopefully i can do it, already loss some marks from today when i just did my flash and didnt show 2 pages lol.

alrite, tummy ache! this sounds like a job for toilet bowl man! off to the loo and hopefully nt getting stuck there the whole time till i doze off!

GD NITES WORLD!