Wednesday, November 12, 2008

你们好! 我回来了! 好久不见!

did you think you saw something wrong? lol..

没有! lol! JIANG BAI! lol! (SM's Language.)

just kidding! haha.. phew took me some time to find and copy + paste. Just gonna go old skool on this post.

on the 10th.. i did something i never thought i'd ever do.. i plucked up my courage to tell a special gal fren how much i liked her. tried to get her on the phone but she was busy and i left her a sms telling her i wanted to talk to her later on in the nite. she replied a little late and said ok but i had to wait.. and i said i'll wait..

few hours passed and then she sent me a sms and i called.. on the phone she was talking so happily about wat she did that day and she moved on to a different topic with a "my mommy sure scold me cause i go out late." haha..

we chatted awhile till she gt home and she asked me if she could bath. The way she said it, was the way she always makes me unable to say no.. because it always melts my heart. i cant explain why, or how.. it just is.. just like the way how i fell for her all over again. =( I thought i put her behind and at present as a good fren.. but seeing hw her ex treated her when they were together always made me boil inside and made me want to reach out to her to comfort her.. but in the end i just couldnt.. and all i did was be mean to her all the while. trying nt to fall for her so hard. at first it seemed to work.. but in the end.. after a few yrs.. the feelings just returned.. perhaps its cause of the times we spent together recently.. i felt closer to her.. but in the end, it was just wishful thinking on my part. i thought i could finally tell her hw i felt about her and perhaps be able to be together with her, giving her the care and concern she deserves.. but it's all in past now.

As she left to take a bath.. i didnt get to tell her exactly how i felt on the phone.. i wanted to tell her to give me a few mins to talk.. but after all that waiting.. my courage just left me.. when she put down the phone.. i felt really angry with myself and pushed myself to sms her.. i sent her 3 long smses to tell her hw i felt and asking for a chance.. perhaps because of hw nervous i was.. i nvr got to tell her alot of other things.. but it doesnt change much even if i did i guess.. haha.. beacuse whatever i've done or said before.. she doesnt really remember it was me.. she only remembers hearing someone saying it.. and whenever it happens i just feel a little hurt.. like i was invisible and even if i was spending a great time with her today, she might just forget who she spent it with a few days later.. =( i remember when u held my hand tightly when we were watching a scarey movie. It made my heart feel warm and i didnt feel like letting go..

the next morning around 10.50am i received a message from her.. a message telling me she's sorry and let's just be frens.. and that she just got together with someone.. perhaps it was the way i typed the smses or i was really too late..
i was sad.. but i replied her a few mins aft recieving the sms. Accepting her friendship. I guess it really is better than losing her totally.. =)

i really didnt mean to fall for you.. but i just did.. i know that i cant do anything much. But i will keep to being that shoulder fren. if you need a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear to just hear you talk.. i'll be there.

And just like always.. From the bottom of my heart. I really wish for you to be happy and i hope u'll be happy with him! =)

i'm doing too much of these.. it hurts so badly when you have to see the one you love get together with someone else and really wishing that they'll be happy.. but if it's for the best.. then i have to step up and see it through.. =/